PG 1 / 6
A NancyAF HOTzine™
I WAS A
GOLDEN BACHELOR REJECT
Nancy with a dead rose
A personal note from this
Savvy & Sexy Single of 70
Gold thumbs-down resting on dead roses

Dear Reader:

"Don't use that picture unless you want men to think you're DTF (aka Down to F*ck)" said one suitor.
"I like older women," the 20- and 30-something guys sometimes write in response to my online profile.
"Your sexy," other dudes declare.

I've been single for five years (not counting a few short-term situationships). I was in a highly toxic four-year relationship before that. And I was in a wonderful 27-year marriage that had simply run its course.

Now, I find myself in that murky abyss known as dating after 50. I've learned a lot, most importantly what I want and need at this phase of my life. I even wrote a book about how to figure out what's really important to you in another person and how to "rate your dates."

This HOTzine™ (my brand of vibe-coded graphic digital magazines) includes lessons I've learned during my HOT SUMMER OF 70 that other women can take to heart and that prospective suitors can learn from.

Stay spicy!
xo NancyAF

And stay single until you find true love (or whatever you're looking for)

You Can't Learn How to Date
from YouTube Videos and TikToks!

Of course, digital coaches, quasi-therapists, and even reality TV shows can spew out "lessons" about how to win a woman's heart.

Whether you're just chatting on one of the apps or in a bar or coffee shop, here are some DO's and DONT's from your favorite (I hope) uncredentialed (but experienced and human) dating diva and regular person.

I don't think I need to say it specifically, but apparently I do because men sometimes ask me about it… Just because I write about my life and relationships, I NEVER publicly name names or tell stories that could embarrass a guy. I realize that if I did that, I would NEVER get a rose! Or even a bundle of dandelions.

DURING THE
CHATTING PHASE

THINGS NOT TO SAY (AND WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD)

Not this"YOUR sexy" / "YOUR pretty." No matter how you spell YOUR, it still doesn't count as words of affirmation.
Not this"You make me horny." Alternate: "You're very stimulating."
Not this"I don't want to be on your podcast/social media/whatever content platform." No one asked you. And, if someone is using you as digital fodder or a prop, question their motives.
Not this"My ex was crazy/alcoholic/mean." Alternate: nothing. Don't. Not on date one, not on date three. If you need to talk about her, talk to your therapist, not your date.
Not this"Are you really 70?" It's not a question, it's a verification demand. If she said it, it's true. Better move: don't ask. But if you found that someone lied about her age or weight, be at least a little suspicious.
Not this"Come visit me." If your dating range is geographically varied, that can happen. The answer is a hard no. Come visit HER. And don't expect to stay in her apartment.
Not this"So what do you do for fun?" When her profile already answers this in detail. The question likely means he didn't read a word of it; he's just shooting his shot at anyone. Better: reference something actually in her profile. "How was your day/weekend?" is equally lame. In fact, any query that can be answered with just one word is not a good start (and sometimes a catfish signal).
You've Made It Past a
First Date (Or Maybe a Few)!

Congrats, dudes! Here are some suggestions and some "ick factors." I've vetted these with my single girlfriends 50+ so they are based on scientific research (sorta).

DoRespect her answer if she says there's no spark, or if she friend-zones you. Grace under rejection is the mature thing to do. If you're truly interested in feedback (other than the lack of chemistry), be prepared to really listen. You don't have to agree. Just don't get defensive or angry.
DoLet her set the pace for intimacy, unless she's made it clear she's into rapid hook-ups. If you both agree to get naked early on, beware of STIs. I met a guy who thought that just because a woman can't get pregnant post-menopause, he was "in like Flynn" (as we used to say). Here are the facts. Makes you wanna zip up, right?
DoHave an explicit conversation about exclusivity, rather than assuming she's off the apps after a few dates.
DoDisclose health, financial, and living situation details early. That includes cohabitating with a parent, child, roommate, or ex, bankruptcies, criminal charges (yikes), or anything that might get in the way of building a relationship, assuming that's what you want.
DoBring a little alpha, not rage. Women do NOT want bad boys. Most of us want respectful ones who make their feelings known but do it kindly. Confidence reads as attractive. Anger reads as a red flag.
DoBe upfront if you're poly or dating/sleeping with multiple people. Say it before she finds out on her own. You are, of course, risking losing her. But it's the honest and bold thing to do. And be prepared to let her do the same thing, even though it may hurt your ego and sense of "ownership." It is what it is.
DoLearn and respect her love languages. If you're really vibing with someone, put in the work to compromise, communicate, and collaborate. You can't change someone against their will. If you don't know what the 5 languages are, take the quiz. It's pop-psych, but helpful.
Want More?
Nancy reading her book Finding Love on a pink chaise Here's my book Here's the Sexicon…a video series of dating and sex terminology Here's my memoir, YOUR NERVE Here's my Instagram

I've also done one-on-one coaching, online profile creation, and behind-the-scenes "Cyrano" work.

Want to date me?
Shoot your best shot!

And follow the NANCYAF rules, please.